Little Birthday Rituals

making your numbers count

Sunday is my birthday and I will be entering into my 35th year on earth.

Being alive is both a blessing and a curse. I don’t know why we are here, but I think it might simply be to have experiences and connect with one another in a variety of ways that we see fit. 

The pressure to contribute to society is silly to me, because we are all actively contributing to the world around us during every second that we continue to exist as living beings, and occasionally as dead ones, no matter what we do. Including when you’re bingeing Netflix while covered in Hot Cheetos crumbs at 2am, for you, my friend, are who Netflix had in mind when they created the Are You Still Watching pause notification, and the mere fact that you interacted it with it last night at approximately 3 hours past your bedtime gave some website coder out there somewhere a small sense of satisfaction.

But I digress. On Sunday I will become 35 years old, which is a heavy age for me because it’s the age I always thought of as “officially adult” when I was child. You see, it is the age my mom was when she stopped hitting the club every night, hunkered down, and proceeded to birth me. I’m not planning to create any children in my lifetime because I am still working on creating myself, but now is the time of my official adulthood to begin after a very long and bumpty practice run.

I really love birthdays. They are a little special secret holiday carved out just for you. Just for me. And unlike the loathsome family gatherings of the holiday season, or the weird manufactured pressure of Valentines Day, we get to choose exactly how we want our own little day to be celebrated. 

Here are some of the things I am doing this week in order to make my transition into a new year on earth poppin’ fresh, crispy around the edges, and gooey on the inside.

I am naming my desires

Forget New Year’s Resolutions. It's all about birthday resolutions. Your birthday is your own personal new year. What do you want out of this year? What does the age you are look like for you? Limit yourself to just a few things. I ended up with 6 or 7. I want to travel. I want to beef up my apartment decor (in a vegan way). I have some career goals and probably you do too.

I am making a plan

Don’t just write your desires down. Make a list of ideas about how you’ll obtain these things. If you want to travel, you may have to start a savings plan, or perhaps look for freelance opportunities or artist residencies abroad. If you want to start a new business venture, what steps will you need to take to get it off the ground? Don’t just list what you want in your next year on earth, list out how you plan to make it happen so you know how you’ll be spending your time for the next 12 months, apart from all the aforementioned Netflix bingeing.

I am treating myself to a fancy cake

What I always secretly want on my birthday is a fancy cake that I don’t have to bake myself. To me, a cake feels symbolic of the year ahead. And yet, the hurriedly home-baked and generally unfrosted (I’m the worst at cake decorating) cupcake experience I seem to give myself year after year is what I always end up with. It tastes great. It looks acceptable. I always forget to buy candles. The magic is lost. Ho-hum…This year, however, I purchased a small and fancy cake from a local bakery that offers a variety of incredibly reasonably priced vegan cakes that all seem to say “you’re gonna have the most bomb year ever, yo”. In fact, I might pick up an icing pen and write that on the top of mine just before slicing it on Sunday. Buy yourself a fancy cake. Blow out a candle. Make a wish. Set an intention. Make a speech. Eat too much sugar. Yolo.

I am giving myself a day to look forward to

I have never willingly chosen to work on my birthday. Birthdays are a holiday. You make the rules, and even if your bank account is crying out for more hours at your day job (and boy have I been there), it’s up to you and nobody else to make the day you were born a rad adventure or a small vacation from reality. This year I’m planning to hit up a flea market in the morning just for fun, and then grab brunch with friends at a restaurant I’ve been meaning to try. Finally I’m planning a gathering in the evening which I do every year because birthday parties are a cool excuse to stick all your friends together and force them to have a good time.

I have this theory that everyone loves birthdays, but some people are scared to make a big deal of their own. I like to think of mine less as a big fat day where everyone has to pay attention to me, and more as time where I can reset and reflect, spend time with people I enjoy, and have an excuse to have a really unapologetically great day on my own terms, which for me means good food, good friends, and doing things that make me excited and happy. 

Thanks for reading my newsletter and thank you for your continued support, interest, and curiosity into my year 35. I promise I will keep creating things for you to enjoy.

– Stella